Such a Mood
I have a confession...I'M NOT PERFECT!!! Oh no, as if that really surprises anyone. I tend to act like my life is just perfect and I have no problems. I'm not trying to be fake when I am that way, I just don't like to burden people with my true feelings most of the time. I am a people pleaser so you will rarely see me truly sad. Well...here goes. I'm not happy right now. I have been in a mood since before Christmas and I just can't seem to shake it. So, I'm single...big deal. There are a lot of people who are single in their 30's and I am just now 30, so BIG deal. Well, for me it is and I'm admitting it now. I wanted to be married in my early 20's and I had wished by now I had a husband to walk with me and kids or at least one kid. So, obviously I haven't gotten married and I have no kids and so I feel like I'm just drifting through life. I keep busy so I don't have to "feel" too much. Maybe that's not such a good thing, but I don't want to be constantly depressed or a depressing person to be around. I told a friend last year I'm afraid there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to know there is an end to this feeling. She said something that I know I haven't quite been able to shake. She asked me if I was even in the tunnel. Because if I don't even face the tunnel then I won't ever see the light at the end. So here I sit still pondering that statement and I'm not sure I've begun walking through the tunnel. It's a scary thought to face all those hurts and hopes that haven't come true, but am I really better off pushing them as far down as possible? Certainly not, but I don't know how to move forward right now.
Job is going well and I'm even busy. For those that know me, know I get frustrated when I'm not busy at work. I have 3 awesome nephews, parents that love me, brothers and sisters-in-law that love me. Friends who support and love me however and whenever they can. So for those that are willing...pray for me that my heart and soul are opened to God's will for me right now and pray that I will constantly feel His loving arms around me.
Job is going well and I'm even busy. For those that know me, know I get frustrated when I'm not busy at work. I have 3 awesome nephews, parents that love me, brothers and sisters-in-law that love me. Friends who support and love me however and whenever they can. So for those that are willing...pray for me that my heart and soul are opened to God's will for me right now and pray that I will constantly feel His loving arms around me.
posted by Cheronn | 2/20/2007 09:36:00 PM
6 Comments:
I will pray for you Cheronn...know that God has a plan for you, and that He wants you to be single right now for a reason. Ya know? Take advantage of the opportunities you have now that you may not have being married with kids. I hope that the feeling of general unhappyness lifts, and you can just be free to live and enjoy this time in your life that God has specifically placed you in. Love ya. - Erica
Do you know that I love you for blogs like this?
You are getting the hang of it :)
You know that I pray for your heart constantly. And I will continue to do that for the rest of my life.
You mean so much to me and I hate to see you sad like this, but I see you strong is so many other ways at the same time.
You are the only person other than my parents that I trust 100% right now.
I love you for that. I love you for your heart. I love you for your truth. I love you for your time. And I love you for your love.
Im praying and I love talking to you about this and everything we talk about all the time.
It will come. I say that and I understand if you dont take that to heart, because Im little :) But it will come, I promise you.
Um, by the way...I love you :)
Talk tomorrow!
I can honestly say that I know what you are going through. I also know that God will be faithful to you as he was for me. Have I shared this with you already...oh, well if I have you get to hear it again. I didn't get married until I was 33 and had Kez at 35. Not at all what I had planned or really thought best for me. When I was 30 I went back to school and sort of resigned myself for the need to come up with plan B. As I sit here with Eden in my lap it seems so long ago and yet I vividly remember my prayers(tears, anger, frustrations) to God about His timing. Why give me the desire and passion for a husband and family if He wasn't going to fulfil it??? It was tough to remain in His word and to trust him. Many people wanted to fix me up, most of them not christians, or at least not following God like I was trying to. I didn't want to make poor choices and I didn't want to settle but I was tired of feeling lonely and watching all of my friends move in direction that I longed to go. About 6 months before I met Lanny God spoke to me and asked me to trust Him and let him be my husband. There were several things that I felt he was asking me to do, one of them was not to date for 6 months...no problem since there was no one on the horizon...or so I thought. about two months into this time with the Lord Lanny came into my life (figures, right?) Not what I was looking for, not what I was expecting. Anyway, I waited until the end of the 6th month before we started dating (and of course you know how that turned out). But that time I spent with God was the most content, most peaceful, most precious time I can remember. I don't know what He has planned for you or how he desires to draw you to him but I believe that he will be faithful to fulfil that desire HE PLACED in your heart. "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires." Psalm 37:4 I wish I could make this season move faster for you...but I will be faithful to pray for you and for the husband God intends for you. Love you friend! Suz~
I look forward to the day that you can reflect on this time as Suzy now does and celebrate God's faithfulness to you and the desires of your heart (which He LOVES to fulfill!).
Thank you for being vulnerable and putting your heart "out there" in order for your friends and family to share this struggle.
Cheronn, I will pray for you. I will lift you up and pray for you to have courage to face the tunnel. Periods of refinement can be so difficult and seem to be unending. The one thing we have to trust in all seasons is that God is God and God is good. His timing is perfect and his plan is unfailing and beyond our wildest dreams. At times it seems as though there is no sense to things, but take heart...there is! I have parts of my life that we never supposed to happen (according to my plan). Part of our growth is to accept these things and know that God is using me powerfully through them. I pray that God makes his presence known to you each and every day in new and wonderful ways. You are His child. He loves you desperately! Take heart and wait for Him. Embrace this tunnel and trust Him to walk by your side the entire way. He will lead you to the light at the end....He promises this! Love you girl! Amber
i just love you
kbye
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